It's a matter of record, scientifically proven in a lab, by a group of respected egg head researchers: Conservatives are pussies. Yup. A group of researchers put 46 people with strong political views on both sides of the street in a laboratory setting and blasted them with noise and showed them violent, bloody images. They had electrodes attached to their skin that measured something called electrical conductance, which indicates fear. The conservatives almost pissed themselves at the pictures. A few even cowered under their chairs. The liberals basically could analyse the pictures and understood the meaning of them and probably like having shit attached to their genitals, being liberal and all. Then they measured eye blinks as the subjects reacted to sudden noise. Wouldn't you know, the conservatives - staunch believers in more defense, less people of color, the right to bare automatic weapons with kevlar piercing bullets, the refusal to allow women the right over their own bodies, the belief that the god they believe in is the right one for me and you, drug laws that keep medical marijuana illegal, and the desire to ban books they haven't read - went screaming like little school girls. The liberals, used to listening to the the rants of conservatives these past 8 years, took the noise in stride, yawned once or twice, and asked for "More Sir, could we have some more."
What does this prove? Fear sits like a midget with gas on the shoulders of conservatives. It dictates their beliefs, their behavior. They get spooked real easy. Immigrants spook them. Muslims sppok them. Blacks spook them. Jews spook them. People without guns spook them. Organic food spooks them. Cities spook them. People who speak French spook them. People who speak English spook them. Books spook them. Sandals spook them. Hybrids spook them. And they've been spooked big time since 9-11. And Bush&Co knew that, so they played on it. And McCain and Moose Palin are doing it now. But who knew that it might be genetic, biological, innate? I love knowing this. It makes it easier to argue with them. All you have to do is blast them with an air horn, show them pictures from Antietam, and watch them crumple to the floor and curl up in the fetal position, then slap a $10 OFF coupon at Whole Foods on them and watch their skin burn before you can even say "Global warming." This is one
of the reasons it's a Big Stoopit Wurl. And now, it's a matter of scientific record.
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